Thoughts of a sleepless brain at 4 am

We are slowly coming out of an over two hour seizure. This has not happened for a long long time, this one was bad; she became cyanotic, a first. I so maxed out her meds that I won’t even tell you how much she got. The doc on call says that is the only thing, besides basic life support, they could do either. The blast of cold air in the middle of the night, on our way to the van seemed to have turned it around, go figure. We stayed home. It is now more morning than evening, I slept about forty-five minutes before this started.

Is there any lonelier place on earth than holding your kid for hours while she is seizing?

If He won’t fix my daughter, could He at least put us out of our misery? Does that make me weak?

Dead would be nice. The love of one woman prevents that.

Do tears make me less of a man? Does it really matter?

It’s late. Or early. And I probably should not post this. Maybe I’ll take it down. Maybe nothing matters.

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