Period – not just for grammarians anymore
The appointment with the gynecologist went well, she did not feel there was a reason for a physical exam. I put my pants back on.
Pearlsky had close to a dozen years of pretty much
spot on exactly 28-day cycles and four day periods. Then a few months ago that went out the window, hence the appointment. She had not had a period in a while but apparently had PMS. We discussed various things, including how to mitigate the PMS, how her meds could cause the irregularity, etc. I was asked about dates of her periods, and yes, I track them. But who knew the doctor would also want to know the length, how heavy, etc. I got a B- in data collection.
There’s an app for that.
Yes, that is what the doctor said. Actually, many apps for that. So I went to my only social media thing, where luckily I have about 92 female “friends” and two or three male, and I put out the word … anyone have a good app for tracking periods (not the grammatical kind)?
Some apps were too pink and flowery (hey, I’m a guy, ya know), a religious one was good, but just not exactly right, another wanted my BBT, and well, come on, that’s a bit personal, no? (For you guys out there – ok, Ken – that is basal body temperature, a way to calculate when
you one she a woman is fertile).
I put a period tracker app on my phone, Clue. No clue why it is called “Clue” … maybe to give you a clue? It is from Germany, no way I am looking up what “clue” means in German.
Of course this morning Perlsky wakes up and I find she has her period! I grab my phone …
I open the app, hit the calendar icon and have six big buttons. “Period” … ok, should probably tap that. “Light,” “Medium,” “Heavy,” or “Spotting.” Ummmm … compared to what? My period? Do women compare? How? Do I ask my friends how many diapers they bleed through in a given time frame to figure this one out? I really did start to wonder how women determine this. Anyway, relative to the last few years, I chose “Light.” Then there is the button labeled “Pain.” “Cramps,” “Headache,” “Ovulation,” “Tender Breasts.” Ugh. No clue, I closed that window. Then I hit the button labeled “Sex.” Was not sure if it meant mine or hers … but then the choices were “Unprotected,” “Protected,” “High Sex Drive,” and “Withdrawal.” I love the euphemism “high sex drive” … not sure what it is for though. Multiple partners? Multiple O’s? Making out at 1000 foot elevation on Look-Out Point Drive? At this point I wanted to Withdraw … I just skipped the options for “Mood,” “Fluid,” and “Tags.”
I will track everyday there is blood. And note things like “torrent,” “trickle,” and “war zone.”
How will I explain the alert that will pop up in 14 days that says “Your high fertility window starts tomorrow”? Hope I am not at lunch with mom …
Do all dads do this for their 22 year-old daughters?
In response to your question, only the great fathers! Wow. Such a great sense of humor. Periods suck, that’s for sure!
Pearlsky is one lucky lady to have you to care for her. True definition of parental love.
lol you dork. Pearlsky is lucky girl and you’re a lucky guy.
Love that you talk about your Mom in a menstruation post. Shows me zactly where much of that sense of humor came from. It’s one of the best tools you have. Not THE best tool, but I probably shouldn’t talk about that.
Not sure what made me chuckle more, the thought of you going through the apps or watching Batman and Robin on Netflix (in the background).
I had to keep track of my periods on the calendar but an app would have been great. Women do keep track of how much they bleed because if they don’t, it leaks out of our pants. It’s very good info to have although with diapers, less critical. As for fathers who keep track of their daughter’s periods, only the good ones:)
Is it symbolic? The figure that adorns the head of your blog pushing the world uphill. I think it must be..for more often than not, your life does most closely resemble the fate of Sisyphus ..forever pushing a boulder uphill ..only to have it roll back down just as he almost has the boulder to the top of the hill.. You ” push your rock” with determination, love, and humor..