The dog ate my homework
How often Do you ever use your kid as an excuse?
Pearlsky is in a group at the summer “camp” at the high school that consists of about a dozen kids, of which Pearlsky is the “most involved” (how proud am I?). On Wednesdays they go on a field trip, the goal was to use one big bus. That is why the other day we had the nightmare of a test run for the wheelchair on said bus.
Turns out Pearlsky’s aide has convinced the district that Pearlsky, the aide, and the nurse should go in a separate van, the same one Pearlsky takes to and from home and school. You see, that is a small, two wheelchair van, that is air conditioned, unlike the big yellow bus. How did she convince them? Some story about Pearlsky needing to get back earlier to be changed or something. How do I know? The transportation coordinator is a good friend.
Yes, it is better for Pearlsky in some ways. But the reason for the switch? A total lie. Pearlsky was used as an excuse so the aide could be more comfortable. She lied about Pearlsky AND used her as an excuse.
Something I have never ever done. Nope. I never got out of a family thing because I could not get Pearlsky there. Never missed a meeting because of a nanny problem. Never missed a deadline because I was up all night with Pearlsky. 😉
A dear friend of mine is working on her Master’s degree (for a while now …) and has an exam to take that is based on a gazillion books. A year ago her six year old daughter had a stroke. Just so happens she just wrote an email to her professor apropos this discussion, albeit one that won’t be sent …
Dear Professor,
My kid had a stroke a year ago. Ergo I have been a wreck for about a year.  … So let me get right to the point. I’ll sit and pretend to think, but please just pass me regardless of what I write. Just think; if I graduate, you won’t have to deal with me anymore, except when I email you friendly little questions about various history matters. So passing me is win-win. On the other hand, if you fail me, I might die. I have done (almost) no studying whatsoever, but could YOU study if your kid had a stroke? Come on, a stroke. You can’t even imagine, can you? Didn’t think so. So, do we have an understanding? Thanks so much.
Is there something wrong with using your kid’s disability as an excuse? A real excuse or a phony one? Do we all do it? Even if the excuse at the moment is not true, are our lives difficult enough that we deserve the break?
In all honesty, I rarely do it. I am more likely to use “her” as a reason to not make a commitment, and that is legitimate. Much less likely to use her as a reason for my own failing.
Is this the same as using “the cripple card”? Getting the entire family to the front of the line because of your kid when you know that waiting in the line would be fine? Registering your van in your kid’s name since your state does not charge sales tax if the car is registered to a handicapped person?
(See the Poll of The Day on the right …)
All I know is that it really burns my butt that her aide used her as an excuse. I’m not going to do anything about it, but something about it is wrong.
Good for you.
A few years ago, I was caught speeding, 20 mph over the limit. I had JUST found out that my son was being kicked out of his self-contained class into another class that was even more restrictive. He had just switched schools after an unsuccessful stint elsewhere and I was so upset that we’d never find a suitable school for him. I got the call from the school when I was out and all I wanted desperately was to be at home. When I was pulled over, I had no idea whatsoever how fast I was going. My son’s therapist told me, “you should have told the cop that you were going home to meet your autistic son on the bus and if you were late, all hell would break loose.” But he wasn’t on his way home at the time, I told her, puzzled at first at her suggestion.
The thing is, once you go down this path of playing victim, when does it stop? And it made me see our trusted therapist at the time in a whole other (negative) light. Did she think that I could never be held accountable for my actions because of my son’s challenges? Did she really view my situation as being so terrible that I had the ‘right’ to pass go whenever I wanted?
I had to pay a huge fine and received points on my record. But now I know that I shouldn’t drive when I’m upset and I don’t.
Gimky, you da man! (Already established for you, SD, last post.)
Surely there are (more important) things you can fret over, SD – ? Preserve your derriere skin.
Considering how poorly the other bus driver did on the tie down rehearsal, isn’t it ‘all’s well that ends well’?
If you feel the need to respond to the aide’s behavior, consider talking to her directly about it. How many more field trips?
It’s one thing for a parent to use one’s child as an excuse from time to time…people do it with their “normal” kids all the time. For another to do so…one begins to question that person’s integrity. “Well, I didn’t do much with Pearlsky today because **she** just wasn’t up to it…”, “Well, I felt that another activity was better for Pearlsky because **she** would be less stressed by it…”Didn’t bother to take Pearlsky for a swim today because I am PMS’ing and it’s too much g-d work to get that kid in and out of a pool…oh…I mean, I felt the water was too cold for Pearlsky…”. Sorry…don’t buy it…would piss me off royally.
Unfortunately, I think I do use Bennett as an excuse quite a bit…but not for sympathy or special favors…more to justify my own failures as a person and a father for not weathering this whole thing better. I use him more to abuse myself and avoid the reality/responsibility around me at times.
As the parent? Cool, I can grok it. But no one else is allowed, I agree with Claire on that.