Brilliant idea of the dayPosted in Parenting By Single Dad On July 11, 2012
Duh, why didn’t I think of that? I wonder if my GPS can get us to Caryville …
You are so right! The very first reply pushed me off my seat. Urg!
The hell you say? What parent of even a “normal” 19 year old would leave them in a bar? Seriously, that is jacked up on so many levels.
OK To play devil’s advocate for a minute, we have no way of knowing what drove the mother to this. We don’t know what supports she had in place or whether she knew how to access help. Yes, there are obviously better ways to relinquish custody or guardianship or what have you and what she did was pretty stupid but the article did say that the child was well cared for and was clean so obviously she had been doing something right. I’m waiting to hear the rest of the story. As for abandoning a 19 year old in a bar…My 19 year old grandaughter whose only disability is ADD lives with me and to be perfectly honest there are days that abandoning her on an ice floe sounds attractive.
By Single Dad
At least I plan on buying Pearlsky a drink before I leave her there …
Better wait until she’s 21 then… Leave her if you want, but if you buy an underage girl a drink they WILL convict you. THAT is serious.
What if mom knew she reached a certain breaking point? I guess it could be worse. I can’t even think about it anymore. That is heart wrenching because that poor kid must have been terrified.
Honestly, I’m just glad Lynn is no longer being cared for by that woman.
Well single dad, if you do buy Pearlsky the drink, make it a good one, a cosmopolitan perhaps. I am partial to a good dirty martini, that is also a good choice. Seriously, this makes me really really, really sad. Sad for the poor girl, and sad for the mom that perhaps she felt so overwhelmed that this is the choice she made. In our state, to get into services such as supported living, you have to be on a waiting list for a bajillion years. If your parents die, or the adult is in danger, then you can get an emergency placement. Unfortunately, this is the hardest way for someone to adjust to a new living situation. Just my two cents worth.
Horror and despair aside, I’m struck by how quickly “the authorities” claim that there are such terrific options in Illinois to care for a disabled young adult. I say “Ha” to that — and “pooh” to all the outrage and vindictiveness toward this parent. I find it repellent how quickly people come out of the woodwork with their rage and shock at how a disabled adult is treated. Call me cynical, but I imagine none of those people voted for policies that would ensure this young woman had something to do every day, a place to go, some community living arrangement beyond the “8 hours a day of respite” that the “authorities” professed were so easy to obtain.
Ironic, though, that a bus-driver is the one that recognized her, right Single Dad?
By Single Dad
I was wondering if anyone else would catch that! Yes, ironic.
I’m with Elizabeth on this one. We don’t know what went on before this, what kind of help the mother asked for and was never offered. Of course everyone wants to vilify her now, because of the way she abandoned her own child. But at what point to we allow a parent to say “I just can’t do this anymore,” and not label him/her a monster?
Living in Illinois, I know the options that aren’t there. Most options that we do have were the result of class action lawsuits and federal consent decrees. The state programs that do exist will fight you tooth and nail in the hopes that you give up, go away, and keep doing the best you can in an impossible situation.
She could have left her at a hospital a church or temple even firehouse but at a bar something serious could have happened. What if no one noticed that she had disabilities? What if they noticed but instead of caring decided to take advantage of her. The rage against the mothers irresponsibility comes from empathy for her girl. I hope Lynn is well and if she remembers the incident that it is not too too scarring for her. Thank God the bus driver came forward!
I am not going to discount the stress and lack of services for disabled children AND adults in the USA. I have experienced both and still do. I could write a set of encyclopedias. But, I wouldn’t dump a dog at a bar on the side of the road in another state much less a vulnerable adult. I just can’t defend that no matter how I look at it. This girl could have been exposed to real horror and that would be the mom’s fault. When the mom said she couldn’t understand “what all the hoopla was about” , that tells the story for me. When strangers care more than you do, something is really awry.
I don’t think the outrage was evoked so much by the fact that a mother ceased to look after her disabled daughter, but rather the way she abandoned her and the lack of remorse she displayed. If you disposed of an unwanted dog that way, you would be charged with animal cruelty and sentenced to watch the Sarah MacLachlen ASPCA commercial a hundred times. I can empathize with tired, depressed, isolated, hopeless, desperate, but leaving your child at a bar doesn’t communicate ‘I can’t do this anymore, someone else take care of her’, rather it conveys ‘I don’t give a crap what happens to her’. So does her actually saying “I don’t want her. Do what you want with her.” Seriously, even Quasimodo was left in a church.
I disagree, Erika. I think the outrage WAS evoked by the fact that the mother abandoned her daughter at all. Had she dropped her at a fire station, a hospital or even killed her and then herself, the same outrage would have erupted in what I believe is the modern pillory — mainstream media and internet “conversation.” We know virtually nothing of this woman’s situation from the initial article referenced by Single Dad, and if you take a look at the comments on it, in addition to some of the comments here, you’ll see the same thing — an instant jumping toward vilifying the parent. While I might be at risk of doing the exact opposite in extending an empathetic ear toward that parent, it doesn’t preclude me from also holding her child in deep sympathy, too. These stories happen, probably, every day — whether the child is abandoned in a bar or left to sit in a wheelchair in an institution or a less than ideal classroom in a fancy neighborhood is nearly beside the point, and I maintain that all the attention goes toward outrage instead of the very, very hard — if not impossible — work of addressing the culture.
On another note and to service my dark sense of humor, I’m not sure why there’s so much uproar about a bar — do we know about this bar? Is it unsavory? I think the stories that pass for true reporting and journalism today are usually just fodder for hysteria.
But children/disabled adults are abandoned every day at institutions, hospitals, safe havens, whatnots, yet they don’t make it into the news. However, based on past experiences with disability-related articles, I carefully avoided the comment section because I didn’t want to read callous or self-righteous opinions, so technically I cannot say that it was the circumstances of the abandonment that evoked the outrage. It is possible that the woman would have been “virtually” stoned, had she left her daughter at a hospital or fire station, however, I personally would feel very differently about this story and mother. For me, the circumstances and the mother’s attitude make a difference, but whether it matters or not is certainly arguable. And of course I agree that the story should draw attention to the cultural issues, lack of services and the underlying problems, but how can it do that if it’s not in the news. Of course, how it is reported is another issue… As for the bar, if it was in Europe, it probably wouldn’t have been an issue at all. Where I come from, the legal drinking age is 18, but we start around aged 12. So…
Wow there is a serious flaw in the law if the woman can’t be charged with anything. At least they are trying to get it changed.
I’d like to beat up Lynn’s mother until she gets amnesia then leave HER PATHETIC POOR EXCUSE OF A HUMAN BEING ASS someplace strange! Urg! Single Dad I am ending with my usual WTF!?!?
Freakin’ heartbreaking! But what drove me absolutely crazy were the callous replies in the comments section.