Danger, Will Robinson
This post is not about Pearlsky. It is about how Single Dad will steal your wife and ruin your life. Well, as told by a pinhead. In the last post, I wrote these 27 words about a woman who was ending her blog …
… reading between the lines it is basically because her husband has taken to reading the blog and trying to use anything possible against her during their divorce.
And what happens? From said husband I get a 946 word response (no, I did not count) (yes, there are 946 words) (I used this cool tool). I am very tempted to just show the email here, but I won’t. I will share it with anyone that asks. Just some quick highlights, to make sure you protect your wives and daughters from Single Dad. You see, I control people. Note that I said I was “reading between the lines,” which is an idiom, as any idiot knows. It means I am inferring something, not stating fact, stating opinion. Ok, here goes …
Your recent post stating that I have taken to reading the blog and using any information against her is incorrect and offensive. … I do not engage in any snooping on my wife’s computer …
The first couple of paragraphs went like that. Wow, too much information pal. I say you read her blog, you say you don’t snoop on her computer. “The pinhead doth protest too much, methinks.” (sorry, Bard) Besides, do I care? Do you have a point? Now comes the dangerous part … my evil mind-bending influence …
Since you are her friend, I will address a few issues that involve your influence on her choices. By your example with your own children’s care … you have influenced her choices … Her decisions to take the steps she has taken in recent months … are to an extent are based on the belief that she can manage our daughter like you do, and get her working life back.
Danger, Will Robinson!!! Your wives may read my blog and be influenced by my magnificent magnificence and cause them to think they can manage your child’s healthcare and have a job!!!
O H M Y G O D!
Removing both of us and leaving a nurse in place … potentially risks further trauma or damage from episodes where no parent is close enough to rescue her from crisis.
So, a parent must be close enough to rescue her from crisis 24/7. Wow. I have no idea why you are telling me this unless you want to cement your pinhead status. And, by the way, it is well cemented.
I am … an exemplary father, who has gone beyond all normal expectations for supporting our daughter.
Um, sir, you are not one to EVER use the word “normal” unless a round of laughter is what you are after. And finally …
I am deeply offended to be characterized in your blog as a prying, vindictive man who is causing my wife to close her blog; I have done no such thing, and I would appreciate a retraction, apology, or at least a deletion of the comment.
I say you read her blog, you respond whining that I call you “prying”? Yes, you are right, reading a public blog is prying. Yeah, sure. You know, just because you are paranoid does not mean they are not after you. As per your request, sir …
- Retraction: I retract the part of my statement that says I was reading between the lines.
- Apology: I am deeply sorry that you wrote me a pointless, meaningless, meandering tirade.
- Deletion of the comment: That was in a clause that started with “or” and since I gave you the first two, you are out of luck on this one.
And, by the way, if you are going to wrongly accuse me of something, at least get the wrong accusation correct. I did not slander you. Blogs are written, not oral, fleeting, or temporary. I did not libel you either, but you did not make that accusation.
I see why she is divorcing this pinhead.
Dude sounds like an emotionally abusive control freak. Blaming a blogger for influencing his (soon – to – be ex) wife for returning to work? WOW. Run, Claire, and don’t look back. You deserve better.
As an aside, my husband was sitting next to me about a year ago when I was checking emails. He saw “Single Dad” in quite a few subject lines, which made him raise an eyebrow for, oh, half a second. I directed him to your blog, and for what it’s worth, he was impressed. He reads it now and then, and I know he wouldn’t mind if you were an influence on me.
Lock up your daughters and hide your wives. SD is on the prowl.
Good Lord. Said in my most withering tone.
That’s all I got.
Now… what was that saying about idiots?
Gee, I didn’t know you were that powerful.So how come you haven’t used that power to influence the evil nurse to bend to your will?
Wow! It’s probably a good thing that blogs weren’t around when I was going through my divorce almost ten years ago. I love the way we’re expected to simultaneously be at home with our disabled child, and support ourselves as a single parent. Geez (also said with a wither).
Personally, I very much enjoy being under the influence.
RUN, CLAIRE! RUNNNN!
He messed with The Bull…
Oh, heaven forfend a woman wants to work, instead of staying home with her child/parent/disabled family member/the dog/the housework!
Probably some mental health issues going on here? Our situations are so emotionally and often physically intense and difficult it can be difficult to hold onto our sanity. Not an excuse for anything just maybe an explanation? But what do I know I’m probably self projecting 🙂
Just another one of those “justification” emails that belong in the trash bin. I have followed Claire (her blog) for a long time and I am certain that SD could not be the “the force” to have Claire make certain life choices. Her love for her daughter resonates loudly and directs her decisions and I would always respect her decisions…that said, I’m somehow feel this is not blog material. Could be wrong, as I often am.
I hope Claire has a good lawyer, one who kicks ass and takes names. My compatriots who do divorce cases say it is generally a grueling, soul shrivelling experience dealing with nut jobs like Claire’s soon-to-be ex.
One gentleman released a snake in my friend’s office through the mail slot in the door. Another threatened her with a gun. Both guys went to jail, crying like spoiled toddlers that my friend had “controlled” their wives into filing for divorce.
BTW, my friend is single and goddess-like, in addition to having fearsome powers to control people. Perhaps the two of you should get together and form a doomsday cult.
On a serious note, be careful. This guy sounds obsessional and he may try and find out where you live.
… so you suggest that the guy is watching her blog to dig up info he can use against her…
and he responds by… proving that he IS watching her blog and digging up info, and he even watches the blogs that she reads, and even comments on one of those blogs, angry and demanding an apology about a post that doesn’t even name him…. and is apparently 100% correct anyways.
And what the heck is he talking about, you must have a parent around 24/7 just in case something bad happens? I know that often, unfortunately, the parents of medically fragile/severely disabled children end up knowing more about and being able to take better care of their kids than doctors and nurses, but… I mean I know nurses can be jerks, but if you had a good nurse that you trusted, I’m sure they wouldn’t just sit there twiddling their thumbs while a child had a seizure or something?
Then again I don’t have a medically fragile/severely disabled child, so maybe I don’t know anything at all about it. All I know is he sounds pretty creepy. Poor Claire.
All I have to say is I would love to have seen his face after reading this post. That and that I literally laughed out loud at this post! Serves him right.
I’m just curious, if he’s such an exemplary father to his disabled kid, why does he seem to think the childcare is entirely her responsibility? If he’s so set against nurses taking care of his child, why doesn’t he do it? (Answer: because he’s a misogynist and wouldn’t think any of it might, just might, be his responsibility.)
Think you’ve made the right decision, Claire…
As I learned during my own divorce, it is not illegal for the soon-to-be-ex-husband to be a dick. I hope she has a kick-ass lawyer as well as a rich relative. My sister took out another loan on her home to help me pay for divorce from my ex-dick. I couldn’t pay for it because I didn’t have a job and he took me to court to order me not to use marital assets to pay for the divorce. There’s no winning in this kind of divorce; just constant compromise on all of his ridiculous positions. And, for 50 points class, can anyone tell me what this kind of divorce does to the children?
I’m with Tiffany, I laughed hard when I read this post; SD owned this guy!
Send him to Socially Inappropriate Mom’s blogsite. She has a great message for him there.
Michelle, I don’t know how Canadian law is about child custody, but in the US, the way it works most of the time these day is that joint custody is the rule. Yes, there are advantages to it, but some serious drawbacks as well; the main one being that the reason there often is a divorce to begin with is that the two parties cannot come to agreement on too many important life issues and now you are requiring them to continue to work together. The other problem is that it is a great tool for the parent making more money (sometime all or most of the money) to get out of paying as much child support. Here we see so many fathers (yes, it is almost always the father–every single time in my experience) who have had little or nothing to do with the child care, now wanting the joint custody so that they don’t have to pay the ex spouse as much child support. Which in the end lowers the quality of life for the child. In my son’s school, the male coparent then does not take his half of the child custody either, so he gets off saving a lot of money. And when he does take the kid, he often causes a lot more problems for the mom. It’s a lose situation when the parents cannot come to agreement and more so than when there is a primary custodial parent because the money is far less for the lesser earning parent who is often the one who is truly caring for the child.
Throw in special needs, expensive needs, and it is even more complex. The one family I know with shared custody arrangements, basically has Dad paying someone under the table to take care of the kid the whole time he has him (which is not that often) and then rag mom for not having the same when he well knows she can’t afford it, especially since he is not paying much child support. The joint custody ruling reduced his child support payments substantially which leaves the mom really in dire financial straits, and the ex loves it. Has been known to brag about his victory. Really that is over his child, and to win over someone who has so many needs and not much fight to give is pathetic. That man should be shot, is my opinion. Just taken out somewhere and shot. The insurance proceeds would do far more for every involved.
THes exes would rather pay lawyers, anyone other than their exes, is what it comes down to. So sad.
I have mixed emotions about this post. Don’t get me wrong; I LOVE your blog. You are witty and can use quotations like nobody’s business. You express the same frustration I often feel with bureaucratic quagmires. I have a severely autistic teenager, so I get you on several levels. I also LOVED Claire’s blog and was sad about her hiatus; I let her know how much I appreciated her perspective and that I support her. I don’t know any of her domestic history that has led to this point; if there is some mention on her blog, it was before I began reading it. I have gone through domestic turmoil that came close to the place that she is in, so I can imagine how difficult her life is now. I am not sure that your post is minimizing this for her. Yeah, her spouse opened himself up by sending you that message; I get that. I am sure that he has many issues, but I will guess that they have a history that none of us know about and I think I would have refrained from the public shaming. I am positive that you know much more than I do about the situation as you are long-term friend and I am just a reader. So, maybe I am off base. Having a child with high needs is difficult as many of us know; dealing with more trauma on top of that is even more difficult. I hope that there is peace for all of them at the end of this. JMHO and it is humble, believe me!
It’s a rule in life that if you don’t want people to think you are a tool, then you need to refrain from acting like one. Claire’s ex would do well to remember that.
There is another simple rule which is rather a function of primitive society. The more intensely that you demonize someone, the more you mobilize “cyber hitmen” in the pursuit of truth and justice, the more bitter, vindictive and detached from reality the object of enmity will become and their behavior will become irrationally self-protective.
Claire is loved by us all, no question about that. She is a great, kind and strong woman. The e-mail to SD was vituperative, no doubt about that. I really, really feel that the proper modes of support and vindication can be communicated privately, rather than through an unquestionably insightful blog…..maybe something like light a candle rather than curse the darkness.
Note that there were several emails between me and the gentleman. These excerpts are from his first. I started very polite and on point. He kept coming at me. He was demanding an apology and a retraction, and kept going on about all sorts of other things about his wife and daughter. Originally I was just going to post his first email, or the trail, without comment, but I determined it would definitely violate the privacy of his family. My responses were polite and I was not on the offense, but I did not bow to his bulls**t nor take his bait.
I don’t believe he has seen this post … I have used my tech savy to politely ban him from the blog.
Finally, I did not share with you some of the most damning things he said. This post does not make him look half as objectionable as I am sure many of you would think if I did. And, this post would not be up if I received an objection from a certain someone.
I have a lot to say about marriages and team work (or lack thereof) in families with “our” kids. Maybe this is an introduction to that.
Well first, of course — yikes!
And second, I just found your blog and wanted to tell you I’ve been browsing through some of your archives. Your posts are raw and honest and incredibly well-written, but just the same: I’ll watch out for your influence!
You know what really stinks? Claire’s story is the only one I’ve found so far that comes close to my situation with Hannah. Hannah’s strokes were a result of the tumor resection, but her current diagnosis is from the strokes. When I read about their beginning, it was so close to home I cried. We went through it too. I still haven’t started a blog, but I want to. I hope Claire comes back. I still visit and read many of her posts. Also, she is very inventive when it comes to coats and wheal chairs; incontinent pad placement, and many other helpful ideas. Thank you.
Here’s a funny aside. I quit reading your blog awhile ago because my now ex husband was stalking me on the internet and struck up a friendship with you. I used to read Claire’s blog, sorry to hear that she’s having such a difficult time. I finally got divorced from my ex and he stopped stalking me. Small world.
Oh my word, what a complete and utter idiot. To echo what everyone else has said, no wonder she is divorcing him! I know only to well how theraputic it is to go online and blog about my experiences, read other peoples blogs who are in a similar boat and sometimes go ‘aaah, this all just sucks!’. Doesn’t make me a bad mother at all and my husband (thank goodness for him) knows it.
My child is just over a year, so we are just at the beginning and I know that you SD are much further down the road, but I do enjoy reading your blog and your honesty and humour is great. But of course I’ll now have to watch out for your brainwashing and bad influence! x