I told my mom she is not allowed to die. She told me to pass the turkey.

Obviously I did not have a choice. I had to tell Pearlsky that my dad was not going to be visiting.

Mom was to arrive early afternoon on Thursday. I started talking to Pearlsky in the morning, telling her that her aunt and grandmother were coming. I told her that grandpa was not going to be here.

She did not really react. That whole “duh … no, she cannot communicate” thing. I explained that grandpa became very sick and old. Yes, I did use the “d” word, once. It’s hard enough to just say the words “my dad died” let alone tell Pearlsky that her grandfather died.

Dead. Not coming over again. No more grandpa kisses. Ever. No, I did not share that. Not verbally.

I have no idea what she understood. Potentially, and very possibly, everything. Possibly nothing. Maybe just the tone of my voice.

Then mom and my sister arrived. Pearlsky smiled, but definitely knew something was different. There is no doubt she knew dad was not here.

She woke up repeatedly Thursday night. She has not done that in a very long time.


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