What the hell else am I to do? What are the choices? Will someone please tell me.
My daughter is really messed up. All those retarded words I am not allowed to say anymore, and they apply to my son as well. Two completely and totally messed up kids. And what about you? You read this blog, the majority of you have kids as f’ed up as mine.
How do we do it? People are always giving me this bizarre praise. “You’re such a great father” … “I don’t know how you do it” … etc. Like I have an f’ing choice? Last I knew, filicide was illegal. Yeah, maybe you don’t know that word, but you know the thought.
Have I ever thought of filicide? Even on an anonymous blog, I hesitate to answer. Do I really want the LHC to cause a black hole and have life as we know it end in an instant? I still say “cool!”
Do I like my life? Yes, generally I do, a lot. Is raising Pearlsky alone an incredible bitch? (the raising, not the girl!) Yes. Do I have a choice? Did I “rise to the occasion” or am I just a poor sucker in a sucky situation?
Maybe happily married, maybe divorced, in a crappy marriage because your spouse is jealous of the time and efforts you put in to keep your kid alive, in a crappy marriage because your spouse won’t accept the kid for who s/he is (or isn’t), maybe just always single, and you have a really f’ed up kid. Seizures, puke, poop, IEPs, school nurses, home help or lack there of, feeding issues, tears, screaming, snot, no sleep, embarrassment, shame, fear, and more. And social workers. Don’t forget about the social workers.
You persevere. You survive. We do what we have to do.
Does it make us better people? Would it be better to just leave? Let someone else deal? Filicide? Filicide – suicide? Residential program? Witless protection program?
No, we rise to the occasion. Are we as good parents as people say we are?
Were the fire fighters that ran into the towers “heroes”? They were, in fact, just doing their job. Were they just poor schmucks who died doing their job? Did they rise to the occasion?
Are we great parents or poor schmucks? Heroes or suckers?
I adore Pearlsky. I love life (let’s keep that a secret, ok?). I love my son, and miss him terribly. I parent the best I can. Sometimes I suck. Sometimes I rise to the occasion.