“The people to fear are not those who disagree with you, but those who disagree with you and are too cowardly to let you know.” ~Napoleon Bonaparte

Let’s say you are a cat lover. Unfortunately your cat has some problem and needs medication every day at noon (I actually spent a year giving a cat insulin shots daily), so you hire a neighbor to do it since you work. One day your cat is really sick, almost dead, you take it to the vet and then find out that the cat has not had it’s medication for over a week. You call the neighbor who says “oh, I thought the cat was better, sorry.” You have no choice but to keep using the same neighbor.

Or how about the fact that your mother has Alzheimer’s and is bedridden. Unless she is physically turned and moved a couple of times daily she will get bed sores and worse. You visit every night, there really isn’t much talking, but you are there. One day you notice some blood on the bed, and find out she has awful, bleeding sores. You go crazy with the staff and they assure you they will turn her everyday, but that staff is gone by the time you visit.

Would you ask the neighbor to mark off on a chart or something when s/he gives the cat medicine so you know? Would you want to know every night that your mother had her position changed? Do you deserve to know?

Yes, I am referring to the previous post.

Two summers ago, Pearlsky’s physical therapist told the summer staff that Pearlsky did not need PT during the summer (violating doctor’s orders, violating Pearlsky’s IEP … see the end of this post and many others). How did I find this out? It became impossible to get Pearlsky to bend properly to get her in her wheelchair in the morning. I finally called the school to see if they had a clue as to what was going on and that is how I found that the PT cancelled Pearlsky’s mandated physical therapy.

Hmmm … is Pearlsky more important than a cat? Maybe I need to know on a daily basis?

The comments on the last post are interesting. Two woman, both of whom I know and respect, disagree with me that Pearlsky’s physical therapist should have to simply initial a piece of paper after the forty-five minute physical therapy session. Now, understand, I love a good fight, a good argument, a disagreement but this is a tougher situation.


When I was teaching at the University, fairly early on, DR came into my office (this left such an impression on me, I remember his name after 30 years) and we discussed something he was designing / researching. Three months later he came to talk to me and all his work was a failure. I asked why he went down the path he did, and he said that it was because of my suggestion. I asked if he thought I was right at that time, he said “no,” but I was the professor.

Since that day I taught every single student I ever had to argue (appropriately) with me on any engineering point until one of us “wins.” Design and engineering often includes life sustaining / threatening things, you have to get things right. Being a prof does not mean always being right.


I am not going to argue the PT / silly note point; some of you did very well in the comments. (Hey, Elizabeth, if that husband of yours runs away with the mistress, give me a call, will ya?) Why won’t I?

I do not want this to come across wrong … but I won’t argue the point because unless you are part of “our club,” as I have said many times before, there is NO WAY you can have any clue as to what life is like. None. Nadda. Unless you have a severely disabled, non-verbal child you have not only not “walked in my shoes,” you have not even been in the shopping mall where the store is that sells those crappy shoes. See that tab on top of my blog that says “Shoes”? Go read what it says, it is short. Go ahead, I dare you.

Some of you are in my specific club. Pearlsky has NO communication, yet it is me who is in the dark. I rely on others to tell me who her day was, why she has mysterious welts on her arms, etc. Many of you are not in this sub-club, your kids can tell you something. But in a larger sense, many of us, are in the club. I know I have readers who are care givers, teachers, social workers (yep, one or two even like me), therapists, at least one lawyer, a couple of goddesses, but most of you are parents. You get it. Aphrodite got it, she had a kid in Pearlsky’s sub-club. Freya gets it to a great extent, but even she will admit not getting it 100% although she has a child with a disability and is surrounded by this population daily and has worked with them extensively and loves Pearlsky.

One of the commenters that disagreed with my wanting the notation of physical therapy is a very intelligent, wonderful woman, but alas, she is single and does not have children. The other is a physical therapist, actually a PT for a school district, and is a mom of “typical” children. Again, I know both, have met both (one I have known for years), I respect both, but they have a different point of view. I am not going to argue my point. No need to, mine is out there, so is theirs. And I always welcome comments. Any comments. Please keep them coming.


Any of you that have a “holiday tree,”  … happy holidays.

If you have a Christmas tree, then Merry Christmas.

If you have something else, then have a great something else or at least a great weekend.

Me and Pearlsky? We are off to light our “holiday candle holder.” Then some Chinese food.

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