23 Sep 2011
“Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out.” ~Art Linkletter
Anyone born in a place called “Moose Jaw” can’t be all bad. With apologies to Mr. Linkletter … I present to you the beginning of …
Morons Say the Darndest Things
- God only puts on your plate what you can handle
- You are a better person because of your child
- Everything happens for a reason
- God wasn’t paying attention but now he is … and he will heal her
- Hopefully your next one will be healthy
Now it’s your turn …
‘He’s going to grow out of that, right?’
Not God related but I heard that one three days ago. Shit you not. From a neighbor I rather like.
Ken — I heard that very one from my adult nephew regarding my daughter. I just wanted to say, at what point did you stop listening to what is going on in our world.
Lisa (a fellow I.S. parent)
From my daughter’s 1st grade teacher and written into an IEP – Ashley is a visual and auditory learner. (My daughter is deafblind…)
“You know you’re going to have to put her in a home, don’t you?”
“God did not heal her because of your lack of faith. You tried to rationalize instead of just believing in Him.”
“Put her in an institution and save your marriage.” Bwahahahahahahaha!
What a shame she’s got such gorgeous curls since she can’t really appreciate them.
Here’s another one:
Can’t They give her something for those? (speaking of seizures)
‘If it doesn’t kill you, it will make you stronger’ about my daughter who has autism.
‘God must have thought you could handle this.’ about my daughter with autism
And the best one yet….
‘At least it’s not cancer’ about my other daughter who has Type 1 diabetes (juvenile diabetes)
The most painful one I ever got was from my next door neighbor who had known us for years. Her daughter was pregnant and while looking directly at Pearlsky she said to me (us), “I so hope my grandchild is healthy.” Not sure why, but that one really hurt.
Well, our insurance company recently informed us that Monkey should be fine now and no longer requires therapy. Anyone who has met Monkey knows how stupid that is.
One of the hotshot neurologists who diagnosed Monkey’s stroke said, “You can always just have more children.” Six years on, that one still stings.
“What will you do if the next one ends up like him?” – Some asshole in the waiting room at therapy, right in front of Monkey. If I hadn’t been 30 weeks pregnant and sitting with my six – year – old, I probably would have decked her.
I have nothing to add to the collective experiences of moronic quips. I get the ‘God only gives you what you can handle’ one a lot (in reference to my two SN kids).
However, I just wanted to say that I live near Moose Jaw. Hmm, small world. Way to go Saskatchewan, top contestant in the crazy place names category. You could add Kitchen, Love, Big Beaver, Burt, Turtleford, and the list goes on…
“What did you think would happen when you had a baby at your age?”
“Is she retarded or something?” and “How retarded is she?” “Do you know how high functioning she will be.” (Yep, all three)
“They are just the happiest most loving people ever.”
“At least she doesn’t realize what is happening to her.” (while going through chemo for leukemia)
“I need to leave the room. I can’t watch her doing that.” a family member, while Zoey was seizing.
Oh , I could go on and on …
Melissa…Always loved Puslinch…
Oh, had to come back ….
“So, how long do you think she will live for?”
Claire, let’s go ahead and add Ontario as a top contender with Saskatchewan…
Melissa…I actually think Newfoundland wins the category in every way…starting off with Dildo. 😉 (Sorry for the slight hijack, S.D.)
As someone who has brittle bone disease, I’ve been asked SO many stupid questions and heard so many inane comments.
“Does it hurt when you break a bone?” Uh, no shit, Sherlock. Yes, it hurts. I can feel everything. Actually, it not only hurts, it hurts like absolutely nothing in the world I’ve ever experienced.
“Where do you sleep?” In a bed?
(After I was out of school for two months because of 8 fractures) “I wish I didn’t have to go to school for 2 months!” HAIL no you don’t. It was awful. I had no social interaction, and uh, it hurt.
People can be so, so, SO stupid. UGH.
” wow that must be hard to deal with…glad my kids are ok.”
About my one-handed son: “You adopted this baby? Oh, you have a good heart!”
“I told my friend about your adoption and she said she would have an abortion if she found out the baby only had one arm.”
Oh, this one really chapped my ass: “Oh, you adopted him? That’s great. My friend wants to adopt a baby, does it take a long time? She wants to adopt a healthy one, though.”
-said by a nurse helping to prep my son for an endoscopy.
“You know that puberty is coming soon (and things will be WORSE)” said with side-long glance ( about severely autistic son)by educator. I guess they thought this was my cue to say” Oh, we plan to abandon him in the woods before then like Hansel.”
Also, “You know, their behaviors are much better when they have language.” I waited for them to get out their magic wand to fix this but somehow it never materialized.
We are home-schooling now..
Said to a quadraplegic friend: “Wow, it must be so much fun to be in a wheelchair!”.
School nurse at IEP meeting at new school regarding my fourteen year old daughter who is non verbal and has spastic quad cp: ” You should really talk to your physician about starting her on birth control, because if she is raped, she could carry a baby to term. “
I finally had to unsubscribe to this thing…I was missing important work e-mails.
I have finally reached the conclusion that we are doomed as a species.
I’m going to buy a shotgun, something nice to read, the ingredients for a nice meal and some plastic tarp.
See you in the next life my friends! 🙂
Ken, in that next life you can watch me surfing the waves in my teeny tiny bikini.
Oh, may I add one more? When Monkey was included in a mainstream class as the only disabled student, his teacher told me I had to work on his motor skills because he couldn’t move as well as his classmates.
No shit. He kind of has Cerebral Palsy and is just a tad paralyzed from a stroke. No matter how much therapy he gets, he’s never going to move the ways his peers do.
My daughter Alison has profound CP, seixures, is on life support,……..
Alison’s special ed teacher, on Alison’s 16th birthday:
“we will have to watch out, because now you can get your driver’s license”
I pushed Alison out of the classroom, turned back and replied “And she can legally drop out of school, too”
Never went back.
“You knew she was going to be born like that??? Did you consider abortion?” – From my husband’s former boss. And I’m an employment lawyer. Yep, wayda buy yourself a lawsuit, buddy.
You would think that MOST people mean no harm by their statements …….
Wasn’t going to put this one up but what the hell ..
While shopping pushing Emma in her chair dragging shopping cart behind.. I hear ” wow she’s f#*^d up …I whipped around ( their must have been 20 people there) but the guy walking his 2 young daughters pointed himself out… ” sorry ” got in his face and ripped him a new one…told him he should keep his thoughts to himself…I do regret the next line ” as I passed you earier I said to my self some ugly kids but did I say it out loud no you don’t say that kind of crap.. ( the girls were actualy lovely…but I wanted to get the best of him)
Because I dragged his kids in to it I suppose I am just as bad…
“If you pray hard enough you will be able to walk again”
“You are being punished for an evil in your family”
Good Lord, people suck!
After my son was stillborn, my neighbor asked me if he came out warm or cold. After I replied, she said, “yes, I was right”. I guess there was some kind of contest on the block.
Cathryn: Okay…for that, somebody has to apologize for the entire human race.
After asking me about my then 8 year old son’s life expectancy and being told that he had out lived everyone’s expectations, my neighbour casually told me that everybody dies.
Cathryn, I agree with Claire. That was absolutely disgusting of your neighbor. I am so sorry.
From her FATHER, when she was 2 years old: “When are you going to institutionalize her?”
Said by my mom about my daughter with a chromosomal abnormality and my son who had a stroke: ” I wonder why you’re having so much trouble? All of my babies were normal.”
EEK! Melissa, that’s just terrible. So sorry.
That also reminded me of one final one. Shortly after Monkey’s stroke, a certain relative said, “You must be embarrassed of him.”
For that and other reasons, I no longer have very much contact with that relative.
Oh. My. God. I’m speechless. I’ve never said any of those things to or about anyone. I’ve never even thought them. I hereby apologize for all those moronic things people said. I’m so sorry. Oy. Don’t know who I’m quoting but I want to point at the morons and demand: “You! Out of the gene pool!”
“She’s a gift from God”. The gift that keeps on giving.
“You are going to get her addicted to all of those pain meds”. Right. We should probably just let her suffer. Personally I’m concerned that she is going to hit the streets and start turning tricks to feed her addiction.
From her father when she was seven years old and I had just staggered home from my first (I was so naive!) and extremely vitriolic IEP meeting: “I’d let them put her wherever they want. She should have been institutionalized years ago.” And yes, I’ve been a single parent for a long time now.
I have heard these comments made from parents of disabled children as well, and some of them truly believe them. In many ways, it is a vindication of a belief in God that someone can get relief and belief in these sentiments during any highly stressful time. I wish I could get such comfort from anything when things go catastrophically wrong. Such can be the power of faith, something I do not have.
I am so frustrated by these responses..for the people who have had the comments said to them!
3 and a half years on from the death of my son here are 3 of the many comments I get:
*At least you have 2 other children.
*He’s just a memory now.
*Really? You are still grieving?
Like my dear friend who also lost a child to the hands of another, said to me when we were talking about the things people say..PEOPLE ARE FUCKING STUPID.
Excuse the language..
About a month after my son died, we were having dinner at family’s house. At about 9:00, I said I was tired so we’d be leaving. My b-i-l says, “Oh it must be so great to not have kids and go to bed when you want.”
Every single time my husband’s aunt sees me, she ask me how my nephew who’s paraplegic is doing. Every time, I tell her he’s doing really well, liking school, swimming in national championships. She says, “No, I mean is he still in a wheelchair.” YES. “Oh, it’s just so tragic.”
“DON’T TELL ANYONE about your daughter’s eye disease, because then your kids won’t get a shidduch (a pre-arranged match for marriage).”
“DON’T tell the teachers/school about the ADHD meds because they will kick her out of school.”
“You are a tzadekes (righteous woman/saint) for dealing with such a child.”
“Your child doesn’t belong in synagogue. There’s no place for a child like that here.” said by a yenta in synagogue. Nevermind the fact that there were tons and tons of unattended children running around, and my daughter just blurted out something loudly ONCE while sitting next to me, and I had immediately shushed her and removed her from the main hall.
My 6 year old son has a chromosomal abnormality. He is just starting to take steps independently and is non-verbal. My most famous comment came from my mother. “Must have been your old eggs.” I was 40. Thanks, Mom.
@Aidel Maidel: “Your child doesn’t belong in synagogue.” I’m sorry, WHAT?? Have those people no concept of Jewish values? The disabled belong in the synagogue along with everyone else.
I have a 5 year old son with moderate autism. He is wonderful, but his expressive language is very low. There are numerous other issues, as usual w. autism. The worst I’ve ever gotten comes from my mother. No matter what I tell her about him (good or bad or neutral, anything) her response is invariably this one sentence: “Need to keep hoping.” (it’s in Hebrew, so impersonal and unclear who should keep hoping, probably both of us.) Hoping that he will be cured or “outgrow it”.
It goes like this:
Me: “Mom, [Muffin Boy] went to potty all by himself today!!!”
Mom: “Need to keep hoping.”
Me: “I’m worried makes no progress in his language.”
Mom: “Need to keep hoping.”
Me: “We discovered he really likes horses!”
Mom: “Need to keep hoping.”
etc. etc. She says almost nothing else.
Since Muffin Boy was diagnosed almost four years ago, she did not visit us from Israel. She has no plans of ever visiting us here. She did visit before diagnosis. When I was planning to visit them last summer, she asked me not to bring Muffin Boy along.
The good thing that came out of this is that I’m fine with strangers saying whatever.
From my grandmother when I had my second baby:
Her: “how is this one? Is he normal?”
Me: “…He’s not blind and his hormones are good. So yeah he’s typical..”
Her: “oh good, you couldn’t handle another disappointment.”
?!???! My firstborn is NOT a disappointment in any way. And how does anyone know what I can handle but me?
In the last few weeks I have been trying to moderate my language after my two year old repeated “dick head” after some mild road rage from his hot mummy. These comments, when I got to the bottom, made me say:
I thought it was bad enough getting unsolicited comments, advice and PRODS from people when I was pregnant.