Or you have nothing.
I’ve discussed this elsewhere, there is something special about the father-daughter relationship. As a father, you protect your daughter, you protect her with your life, more than you would protect yourself, your spouse or anyone else. Your daughter is part of you, and it is your job to make sure she is safe, she is secure, and she has the opportunities to grow and thrive.
A man I revered, a very well respected man, a man who made me in many ways who I am today, well … after his death I learned how he failed his daughter, failed to protect her, how many of her demons are due to his lack of actions. The conflict I have about him and his memory will be with me forever.
I know another father who, when mad at his eight-year-old daughter (and for no valid reason) uses the epithet “c**t-whore,” which, to be honest, I don’t even know what it means (and is so abhorrent I can’t even write the word). How is there anything right in this? How does she grow up knowing what love is? Or what anything is? She watches him abuse the family, and learns that this is the norm, this is love, this is the cycle she will continue, for don’t all girls want a man like her dad?
You die defending your daughter. You fight for her, you protect her, you make sure she has every tool needed to become the best she can. You teach her love by example.
No matter what. No matter who your daughter is. She could be the magna cum laude cheerleader or the retarded cripple in a wheelchair. You protect her. You protect her. You protect her.
Or you have nothing.
Couldn’t have said it better
Did something happen?
I hope nothing happened.
SD, I do so much know what you mean and I also know what happens when you don’t. So much is said without being said. I simply know and understand and appreciate your bringing it to the fore!
The ability to protect a child/adult child is not the sole measure of a man. Though many men fall into the trap of believing that. When tragedy strikes, then, as a result of life circumstances far beyond anyone’s control (which is the hallmark of a life of freedom, and however that applies to individuals with severe disabilities), the man whose identity is solely predicated upon protection of his children will often fail, after the fact, to address the situation appropriately. The situations you describe in your post are clearly abusive and pathological. Most men do not fall into that category. In the end, a real man is alert to potential problems for his young children, wary of them for his adult children and addresses, with love, presence of mind and steadfast resolve, the tragedies when they occur.
Perhaps, then, it’s the provenance of the mother to know that no one can protect our children — any of them — from everything — no matter the strength of the desire or pure the intent.
You are a good father.
Very Well said…
Very Well said…….lovely.
This took my breath away – you have summed up my feelings for my son. I hope all is well.
Your words here make me so, so grateful that I had a good father, and that my daughters do, and that yours does.
Wisdom in it its simplest form. Thank you for reminding us all.
Well said, is right and well expanded on by “Anon” but (hopefully) most of us could never understand what drives a “Dad” (or Mom) to end up not being able to protect their child but, rather, being the danger from which they should be protected. My degree in arm-chair psychology says it is an abusive parent passing it down to an unwilling child who, as you cite, becomes either the abuser or abused as the adult. It is tragic
Know that Pearlsky is better for having you in her life, you are better for having your Mom and Dad and for that, I know, we are all grateful.
Sorry for your pain, SD
XO
Oh, how I wish my father could’ve read and understood this…
Thinking of you and P…