Blasphemy “Я” Us

There’s this religion where this is a very special time of year. It is actually quite reflective and somber. You see, the deal is you are supposed to make amends with those you have wronged. The idea is to ask for forgiveness where it is needed, and to offer it when it is requested. That’s the easy part. Once you have made amends with those in your life, you are then able to ask your god for forgiveness. This is based on the premise of “how dare you ask God for forgiveness if you have not even asked those around you.”

So, think about it. I ask you for forgiveness. You ask me for forgiveness. Then I go ask this god for forgiveness. And it is done. But something is missing here. Fairness?

There were times, not many, but times my parents apologized to me. Now that’s a big deal. I would never dare ask them to, but I remember times they did. God has yet to. Is She not the ultimate parent?

When the hell is God going to explain some stuff to me, to us? And, maybe throw in an apology if not a fix?

I have some spare bushes around the house, how about you do that burning but not consuming thing and talk to my daughter? Hell, use the hydrangea and you can consume that thing for all I care. Come on, tell her you messed up and you’re sorry. And fix her while you’re at it. And Chris. And Joe, too. And don’t forget SoCal Sophie and our friend in the UK.

And by the way, what the hell is up with stroking out six year old girls? How is it that I, a lone little speck on the earth, know of two? What the hell were You thinking when you did that to Sophie and Rachelli? Yeah, you did it to my dad, but at least he was a football star and fighter / bomber pilot. But two six year old girls? I’d expect that from Elijah’s Ba’al or some lesser God. Pick on someone a bit bigger, no? I thought you got your kicks playing skee ball on the Jersey shore. Stroking out six year old girls for God’s sake! WTF?

And how about an apology for this I’m-going-to-mess-up-your-kid-and-not-tell-you-what-I-did crap? Ran out of levels of hell and wanted to add one on earth? We will talk about the undiagnosed later, but come on, cut some of us a break, will ya? Yeah, my kids were finally diagnosed and then voilà! a diagnosis with no history. Thanks, Pal.

Yes, I am truly sorry for the sins against man that I committed this year. Yes, I forgive those who sinned against me and truly want forgiveness. Yes, I am sorry for the sins against You.

Now it’s your turn, oh holy one, blessed be He, father of Abraham, Issac, and Jacob, and Mohammad, and Buddha, and Jesus and the Dalai Lama, great, mighty and exhalted.

And what’s up with Rush Limbaugh? An apology for that one, too, no?

So, do I really think that God micromanges to the point that S/He reads MY blog? Hell no (or at least at this point I hope not …). But then, is He gonna listen to all those poor shnooks that are going to ask for forgiveness in a few days? If so, then maybe He IS watching my RSS feed.

So, if there is a God AND S/he does read blogs AND you hear of a case of spontaneous human combustion this week AND I don’t blog for a few days, come over to the house and check on my daughter, will ya? She should be the one walking and talking at that point.

If God exists and does not read blogs, I’m cool.

And if God doesn’t exist? In the words of the inimitable Emily Litella, “Never mind.”


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