Brilliant idea re-visited
By now you have all read the article mentioned in the last post. Hopefully you looked at the comments left on this blog and have thought about it! What, you read my blog for simple mindless pleasure?
- Many states have Safe Haven laws (basically you can abandon a child up to 30 days old at a safe, designated place, no questions asked)
- We read too often of either filicide or murder-suicide by parents of disabled children
- Fighting with a school district for a residential placement for a disabled child can take months and years and a lot of money for lawyers and advocates
- Many state programs are lacking in many ways
- There are few, if any, options for a child as severely involved as Pearlsky and many of “our” children
- What on earth would Social Services do with Pearlsky?
The mother in the article apparently did research and found Tennessee to be the best for healthcare (note to self: do not hire this woman as a researcher) and, in her mind, was doing something right. We have no clue what was in her mind, why she did it, etc. but the daughter did appear to be clean, healthy, and cared for. Although I find the action abhorrent, I will not judge the mother with the lack of information I have. Nor would I want to sit on her jury (if, in fact, she had violated a law). As noted in the comments on this blog, had she bought her daughter a drink before leaving, she would have violated a law!
I know despair. I know the pain of being alone with a disabled child. I know holding a child night after night when she is wracked with seizures. I know days and days of nights with no sleep. I know the thoughts, the ones we do not say out loud, the wishing your child would just die, or disappear somehow. I know the thoughts about the gun in the nightstand and questioning if once the filicide is done would I really have the guts to then use it on myself.
I had an option the first few weeks. We have safe havens in my state (although probably not 19 years ago). What options do I have now? When we try our best, give it all we have and then hit that wall … sometimes it is a big wall and comes up very quickly. Where is the safety net? Where is Pearlsky’s safe haven? Where is mine?
(No, I am decidedly not there now, this discussion is because of the article, not a crisis with me. Not now at least.)
Your honesty really hits HOME with me and I am sure many others. There have been times when I thought felt overwhelmed at my “breaking” point, thankfully by some grace it passed or I adjusted. My fear is Ana’s future of course; luckily I have two other children that are “normal” and I hope and pray that they will help her somehow and love her always. I hope that they have strong love that maybe maybe will let them have less breaking point capacity. But who knows, I certainly never saw this life back when I wanted to be a mom. We only have here and now and right now Ana’s safe haven is me and SD you are pearlskys safe haven. She loves you and in the end LOVE has to be enough! But when I get to heaven watch out! I have a long list of complaints!