It has been a week or so. I am getting pulled back into that hole. Trust me, this post does not scratch the surface.
Pearlsky’s mom called last night. She wanted to tell me that David will be in town for a doctor’s appointment today. She was giving me about 12 hours notice. No, I could not change some appointments and see my son. I did ask her when the appointment was made, when she knew about it. “Four months ago.” She really was stupid enough to even tell me that.
I got an invitation to a breakfast at Pearlsky’s school the other day. It seemed inconsequential and I guess I forgot about it. Usually the aide on the bus also reminds me, but she did not. It was this morning. I was not there. Thankfully.
This afternoon I called the Director of Special Ed at the high school. She is a great lady, we like and respect each other, and she has a disabled kid. Not like “ours,” but she gets it. Let’s see if any of you do. Maybe it’s just me.
Susan, Pearlsky came home today with a “Certificate Of Achievement.” What the fuck?
What did she achieve? Tell me please.
You know she is worse off than the day she entered your school district right? What is the point of the certificate? Is it meant to be sarcastic or mean?
I know, SingleDad, I know.
Do you know that they handed out a brochure at the breakfast? I got it when Pearlsky came home with it today. Interesting, it has her picture on the cover.
Yes, it does.
She has a “No Media” flag everywhere. That could not have happened.
With that she quickly got off the phone to destroy all remaining copies. Solves nothing at this point, no?
How much do the little things count? If you know his favorite perfume or dress or something, do you wear it even if you don’t particularly like it? Your kid repeatedly tells you she hates you, or says nothing, ever, but occasionally flashes a smile, shows a spark in her eye? Does it count? Does it matter?
I don’t feel my feet nor ankles. That is my peripheral neuropathy, but the amino acid that Pearlsky takes is doing great things for me and there is no pain anymore, a major plus. My hearing is drastically reduced, temporarily, for reasons that are understood, but the fact of the matter is that the last week, and probably the next several, I don’t hear shit. It will resolve.
So tonight I am at dance class, I don’t hear a thing the teacher is saying, I can’t feel my feet (and this dance necessitates balance and much foot work), we switch dance partners and I can’t hear a thing she is saying, and with so much crud going on, I can’t even successfully put her into the cross and do a front ocho. Basic stuff. So incredibly frustrating.
I walked out. And into the Korean sanctuary down the hall. I sat in the back of the empty sanctuary. And cried. Quietly. For a rather long time.
My daughter gets a fucking “Certificate of Achievement” and after six months I can’t get a 24 year-old into a cross and a front ocho.
Think a quietly crying 54 year-old guy would piss off the Korean gods? I hope not. That’s all I need.