“I am prepared to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.” ~Winston Churchill
Ever have to go somewhere and you did not want to go for fear of running into someone? You thought or knew they would be there, and the last thing you wanted to do was see them? Even though you wanted to go to the place?
I want to go to hell. Can’t go to heaven, don’t know what the choices really are, but I don’t want to go to heaven.
You see, although I am a heathen, and I occasionally curse the holy one, blessed be He, and sometimes I am religious and god fearing, well, I can be spiritual. It is true, there are no atheists in a foxhole.
I honestly believe that Pearlsky will be able to speak in heaven. I really do, actually. And walk. (Do people / spirits “walk” in heaven?) I have known that for all these years.
And I am absolutely petrified to hear what she has to say to me.
Yes, I know, I’m a good father, blah blah blah.
I am scared shitless to hear what she will say. I really am. Just the concept makes me ill.
We have had this conversation before. She will say thank you for fighting for me, for keeping me with you, for standing up for yourself when others questioned you, for standing up for me when I couldn’t stand up for myself. She will say thank you dad for playing me music, tickling me, taking me for walks and drives, for making me your child, for being my father, and for loving me no matter what mood I was in, what I did or did not do, what I did to make you sad or happy…thank you and I love you dad is what she will say.
If there is a heaven, god holds a place for you and your daughter there. You are a kind, patient, loving, passionate man. You are a stellar human being and a spectacular father. You are certainly my hero, and I will strive every day to be a fraction of the person and the parent that you are.
I actually think about this a lot, too. We need to talk, you and me.
Wow, are you lucky to have “Craigs Girl” in your life, or what? We could all use one, or dare I be greedy and say 2, of her in our lives. People that see in us, things we miss, because we are far to busy being self deprecating or feeling guilty, to see those things ourselves.
I hope all of our children,if they are able to one day speak to us,in a place not of this world,that they will forgive us for our shortcomings and failures and our humanness. And know, that most of the time, we did the very best we could under some of the most insanely difficult days of our lives. And, without words, have known that we loved them. In fact, the truth be told, I believe that they know all of this already. I really do.
Crags girl got most of it.. I think the only negative she might have to say is. Why did you make me wath football you obviously didn’t like it as you were constantly yelling at the tv ..liked watching home improvement with you you were always cracking up..
“Dad. Your girlfriends…..”
My concept of what might happen to you (and most people) in heaven is that you’ll hear from her a lot of beautiful things, and a few minor, negative things . . . right now, you fear those negative things tremendously, so much that you are willing to give up the positive stuff . . . but in heaven, you’ll also see how the good has outweighed the bad, you’ll see and FEEL the ways you have done good, and that the the bad doesn’t matter nearly as much . . . I know it’s a Christian concept, but I have a vision of Pearlsky showing you how your love and generosity and goodness have “washed away” any sins . . .
Just last night I was telling my mother about the book “Five People You Meet in Heaven,” which is by Mitch Albom, the author of many sickly-sweet books, but this one, in addition to being sickly-sweet, is also a true tear-jerker. Anyway, this old man dies and goes to Heaven, where he meets five different people who, in different ways, are connected to him and show him the meaning of the life he led. There is a certain thing wrong he did, or fears he did, by accident, and is devastated to find out that it is true, he HAD done this horrible thing. For a few moments he lives a Hell, horrified by this evil deed he’d committed. But the very person who was the “victim” turns out to be one of the five people he meets in Heaven, and she shows him that not only is she ok, but he has already, through other actions, more than “made up” for what he had done, and he can live in peace now.
I think that’s what Heaven is, getting permission — and accepting the permission — to accept that you are better than you think you are.
Anyway, all that speaks to me. If it doesn’t speak to you. . . I hope you find something that does . . . because you ARE a good person and I don’t like the idea of you living in fear of the truth . . .
I’m afraid that you might be stuck going to heaven whether you like it or not. There’s no way God’s going to send that passionate of a parent anywhere else. Don’t be afraid of what she’ll say… just enjoy hearing her voice.
I apologize to my daughter all the time, right here on earth.
Right after Izzy’s diagnosis, the thought of her talking to me in heaven was exciting and comforting, but now, after almost three years, I’m getting a bit nervous about it. I can see how I would be scared shitless after 18 years.
Wouldn’t it be worn anything she had to say just to hear the words ” I LOVE YOU DAD”
Will what Pearlsky communicates to you in heaven be that much different than what you will say to your own parents – when you all gather there? Love in its many forms still retains some consistency, eh?
I believe that next life is so much beyond what we know here. Your fear highlights our human limitations for imagining the hereafter.
Well, Sarah can answer some yes/no questions by using the 2 flashcards YES and NO. She grabs the correct answer(card). Anyway, after all these years…..I have yet to ask her if she likes me…I’m afraid she will say NO.
Regardless of what else Pearlsky has to say I’m certain there will be a ton of thank yous in there.
I’ve also thought about this a lot and I’ve decided that, if such a place exists, Miss Aria will eat cake in heaven and it wont hurt one bit.
Holy crap that idea kind of scares me too. I don’t want her (by which I mean, my “her”, or the Snail) image of me to be so vastly different from what I think her image of me is. So that even though I don’t believe in heaven (and all that) just the idea unlocks something profound about the nature of HER and what is inside her, that it gives me goosebumps.
A) If you get to hell, the devil himself will send you back to where you belong (in heaven if that wasn’t clear).
B) Your daughter will probably use some swear language you taught her, and that’s as ugly as it will get. If you are half as kind to her as you to all the others close to you, then she will have nothing but love to give you. In fact, she might not have anything to say at all, she might just run to you and hold you tight.
I think about that too. ANd I woory all the time that I am not good enough for Sam. Seriously not good enough. But I also struggle with the idea of heaven and hell. I can’t accept that there are these two distinct places and we will be divided by some criteria. Can’t we all recognize a spectrum of “good” in the world? I imagine the divine can too. I picture Heaven as a consciousness (body – free). We develop an awareness of our actions and their goodness/right-ness/just-ness. THat is our heaven or hell. An eternity of true self-awareness. We will all be in heaven and we will all be in hell.