I found the comments on the last post very interesting. I have to agree with Erin; the months after David was born and I needed to come to grips with the realization that not only was he, too, severely disabled, but that I would most likely never have a normal child, were a very difficult period. Actually, it still hurts to even write those words.
I am struggling with an issue now. Pearlsky’s primary teacher is out on maternity leave and her new teacher leaves a bit to be desired. You may remember that a while back he had Pearlsky get ready for swimming, had her in her suit, and when he discovered that she could not go in the water (for a lame reason), he had her sit and watch everyone else do the one thing she loves more than anything else. He never explained nor apologized to her. Yes, the error of his ways was explained to him by the special ed coordinator, and me. He is also the one that would have Pearlsky out in public with bright green socks on her hands to try to stop her from putting her fingers in her mouth. And the one who, in direct violation of Pearlsky’s IEP, took her on trips without a nurse nor my permission. And now he is the one who directly and outwardly lied on her progress report. That brings me to today.
The lies and fabrications on the progress report were pointed out to the teacher, by me in an email to the special ed coordinator and cc’d to him. The bizarre thing is that his lies in the report make him look bad, not good. It is my understanding that I will get an email from the teacher shortly. I do not know what it will contain, but one should be arriving, as well as a new (supposedly true) version of the progress report.
Here is my dilemma. I want to completely and totally lambaste the young man in an email in response. To put it another way, I want to rip him a new asshole (an expression I generally refrain from using). I understand that few are happy with his job performance and such an email may actually be a participatory nail in his coffin. There actually is no acceptable reason for the fabrication of the progress report, just as the reason for his violating Pearlsky’s IEP was ludicrous (“someone told me it was ok to do” … and he could not remember who!). If there is an apology or an explanation, I cannot imagine either being acceptable. If it is, I will, of course accept it. But if it is not, or one is not offered, am I right in explaining to him, as only SingleDad is want to do, how I am dismayed at how he treats me and my daughter? Or do I just let it go? Letting it go is a form of acceptance. People will do what they have learned they can get away with, we all do, that is human nature. Gently explaining to him, with specifics and examples, how he treats my daughter, a student whom, by law, I leave in his care, without a shred of empathy. How he violates legal agreements between the school and Pearlsky herself and her family and endangers her medically. In my mild manner, explaining that committing fraud on a legal document and making up imaginary actions on his part and Pearlsky’s is not appropriate. Is there a point in doing that? Yes, I will feel better. Yes, he will lose sleep. He is already very afraid of me, this has been verified by others, and he does not come across as a very strong person. But that is not my nor Pearlsky’s problem. But if I let it go, there is minimal chance things will change. After all, he was told today, with some incredulous vocalizations, “You really did this to of all people, Pearlsky’s report?” to which I am informed, he just mumbled something. He has been told repeatedly that his actions are not acceptable yet he continues. Don’t ask why he still has a job, that is something I cannot answer.
I so want him to know how wrong it is to treat my daughter, anyone’s child, like this (mean, uncaring, humiliating). How wrong it is to treat me like this (proven lies, deception). How to behave like a man (which is NOT for me to teach him), how to behave like a special education teacher (not my job either, but obviously no one else is getting through to him). Will writing it help others? Either by helping to remove him, or having something that gets through to him?
If I end up writing said letter, I will abide by my own first rule of advocacy. Be right. People will always remember if you are wrong. I will abide by my second rule of advocacy. Really, really, really try to refrain from personal attacks. Unless it is really, really deserved, and even then, try to hide it.
“You low-life piece of shit, stay away from my daughter” is generally frowned upon. Much better is “I’ve been looking for someone to care for my dead goldfish, but alas, I don’t think you rise to the job description.”
Michael, you make it obvious that to you she’s just another crippled retard. This may not be a proper profession for you. Proctology research subject may be a better match when I’m done.
I’m writing this post at 31,000 feet …sealed in this tin can flying across the country, with three things on my mind. I am thousands of miles away from Pearlsky who deals with these pukes on a daily basis and wondering “why?” I close my eyes and imagine life with a goddess. And finally, I am trying to figure out how to get this fat, smelly guy next to me to give up the armrest.
And, I think he’s looking at the my screen.